WTF Does “Feeling Your Feelings” Even Mean?
Actual footage of me in my feelings, judging myself for not being able to stop being in my feelings, and then making myself feel worse… sound familiar?… Keep reading!
Feeling vs. Thinking: How to Stop Intellectualizing Emotions and Heal Through Somatic Therapy
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a thought spiral—analyzing your emotions instead of actually feeling them?
Maybe you’ve spent hours lying awake at night replaying that one awkward thing you said in a meeting, dissecting it like you’re reviewing every frame of a Netflix series finale. Or you’re driving home, earbuds in, mentally turning your stress into a true-crime podcast—where you’re both the detective and the prime suspect.
Perhaps you’ve trauma-dumped with your friends over brunch, explaining in cinematic detail why you’re upset, but you still leave with that same heaviness in your chest. Or maybe you’ve filled three pages of your journal with bullet points and diagrams about your sadness, only to notice your body still buzzing with restlessness.
This is what it feels like to intellectualize emotions. You think about them. You analyze them. You overexplain them. But you don’t actually feel them. And here’s the kicker: no amount of mental gymnastics ever fully releases an emotion. That’s why you can vent, plan, or overthink all day and still feel stuck in the same emotional loop.
Trying to explain to your friends the complex web of emotions inside your head and how you have connected all the dots so you can finally make sense of where all these relentless emotions come from…. But still feeling like shit after….
Why We Intellectualize Emotions
First—let’s get one thing straight. Intellectualizing isn’t a character flaw. It’s a survival skill. (It comes with the “character building” package your parents bought you!)
From an attachment lens: If you grew up in an environment where big feelings were dismissed, minimized, or punished, your system may have learned that staying “in your head” was safer than showing what was really happening inside.
From a polyvagal perspective: When your nervous system tips into fight, flight, or freeze, thinking is like a mental life raft. It distracts you from the intensity of raw sensation.
For my ADHD and Neuro-Spicy folks: Emotions can come in like a tsunami - hot, fast, and overwhelming. Breaking them down logically can feel like the only way to slow them down and manage them.
So if you find yourself overthinking, analyzing, or rationalizing your emotions, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your nervous system is trying to protect you.
Your brain thinks it’s helping. But the truth? Thinking about feelings doesn’t release them. It just builds a dam, and locks all your feelings away behind it. Eventually, the pressure behind that dam gets exhausting.
The real work is about finding new methods of creating safety that allow you to come back into your body and let emotions actually move.
Feeling our feelings is often way less romantic and pretty than we anticipate… That’s okay! Being human is raw, emotional, and messy af! This is your sign to give yourself permission to be wild in your emotional embodiment and to honor the reality of your emotional experiences! Let it all out!!
What It Means to Feel Your Emotions
Somatic therapy and body-based practices remind us: emotions aren’t abstract concepts—they’re physical events.
Anxiety might show up as a pounding heart, shallow breathing, or jittery legs.
Grief might feel like a lump in your throat or a weight pressing on your chest.
Anger might surge as heat in your face, clenched fists, or jaw tension.
When you allow these sensations to move through you—without judgment, without trying to “logic” your way out—they shift. The wave builds, crests, and recedes. The feeling completes its cycle.
Think of your body as the shoreline and emotions as waves. You don’t need to fight the tide. You just need to allow the waves to come and go.
A Step-by-Step Guide: From Thinking to Feeling
Here’s a framework that blends polyvagal theory, somatic experiencing, attachment science, EFT, and ADHD/neurodivergent-informed care. It’s approachable, practical, and works with your body—not against it.
1. Notice When You’re in “Overthinking Mode”
Notice when you’re explaining, analyzing, or spiraling about a feeling instead of naming it.
Ask: Am I describing or analyzing my feelings instead of naming them?
Red flag phrases: “I feel like…” followed by a thought (“I feel like nobody gets me”) instead of an emotion word (“I feel lonely”).
2. Ground Your Nervous System (Polyvagal Reset)
Put one hand on your chest, one on your belly. Notice your breath.
Try the 4–6 breath: inhale for 4, exhale for 6.
Look around and name 5 things you see. Let your body know: “Hey, we’re safe here.”
3. Locate the Emotion in Your Body (Somatic Experiencing 101)
Ask: Where in my body do I feel this most strongly? Where in my body is this living right now?
Stay curious. Maybe it’s your jaw, your chest, your stomach.
You don’t need to “figure it out.” Just notice.
Don’t analyze it—just witness it. Watch it. Let it linger. Let is move and metabolize.
4. Give Yourself Some Fucking Compassion! (Attachment-Repair)
Imagine how you’d talk to your best friend or a child if they were going through this. Now, use that voice with yourself! (Why are we always so mean to ourselves?!?)
Try: It makes sense I feel this way. I can stay with myself in this. OR “Of course I feel this way. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
Place a hand on the activated area, like saying: I’m here. I won’t leave you. I’ve got you!
5. Ride the Wave (Somatic Flow)
Picture the emotion as a wave moving through you.
Notice the swell, the intensity, and then the shift. No waves lasts forever.
Stay curious for the moment it begins to dissolve.
6. Work With Your Brain’s Rhythms (Shout out to all my AuDHD Neuro-Spicy Friends)
Set a 2–3 minute timer if you tend to drift. Give yourself a contained window to just feel.
If sitting still is hard, add gentle movement—pacing, rocking, tapping your arms.
Movement helps emotions discharge instead of bottling up. (This worksheet has tons of different options for regulation and coping skills!)
7. Close the Cycle With Regulation
Stretch, shake out your arms, or press your feet firmly into the ground.
Wrap up in a blanket or take a deep grounding breath.
Say aloud: I’ve witnessed and allowed that emotions to move through me. I’m still here. I am safe. It’s over now.
This could be you! When you learn to feel first, then think, you open up the door to more peace, grounded embodiment, and mental and emotional clarity.
Quick Reminders
You don’t need to nail this perfectly. Even a few seconds of noticing a body sensation without judgment is progress.
If emotions feel too big to hold alone, that’s not failure—that’s human. Therapy and leaning into safe relationships can help hold what feels heavy.
Over time, your nervous system will trust that emotions are just waves—passing experiences of life, not storms that will swallow you.
Final Reflection
When we intellectualize our emotions, it’s like trying to write a research paper about the ocean instead of walking along the shore.
Your emotions are not puzzles to solve. They’re waves of life moving through your body. When you stop trying to out-think them and instead let them rise and dissolve, you discover freedom on the other side.
Real Talk: Why This Matters
When you intellectualize emotions, it’s like trying to out-think the ocean. You can analyze the currents, map the tide charts, make flow diagrams… but at the end of the day, the only way to actually know the ocean is to get your feet wet.
Your emotions are the same. They’re not problems to solve—they’re experiences to feel. And when you let them move through your body, you realize: oh… I can survive this. The wave didn’t drown me.
That’s emotional processing. Messy, raw, human.
A Gentle Invitation
If this resonates with you, know you don’t have to figure it out alone. In my therapy practice, I help adults, couples, and relationship systems learn how to stop getting stuck in their heads and start feeling their way toward healing—using somatic therapy, polyvagal theory, Internal Family Systems, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Brainspotting.
If you’d like to keep exploring, here are a few resources for you:
🌊 Try my guided meditation: Dropping Into Emotions
🌊 Download free regulation + coping worksheets from my Worksheets & Handouts page
🌊 Reach out to connect with me about therapy if you’re ready to move from overthinking to truly feeling
Together, we’ll help your emotions move like waves—safe to feel, safe to release, safe to let go—bringing you closer to your most authentic, embodied self.